I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
