if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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