Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
