he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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