Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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