He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
