One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
