I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
