u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
