he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
