Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
