get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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