now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
