Where did you get a picture of my penis
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
