I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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