kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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