I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
