I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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