I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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