I wannas sexs uuuuu
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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