wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
