...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
