The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
