You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
