I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
