i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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