I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
