How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am naked and annoyed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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