I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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