Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
