fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
two words: eviction party
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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