Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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