Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
