I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can you bring me the toilet please
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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