Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
