It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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