Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
