I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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