Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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