Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
