Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
