he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
