Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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