I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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