i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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