Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
