love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
