Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have feelings that need drinking.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
