Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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