I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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