If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
