Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
