I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
